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tirsdag 14. oktober 2008

will get raped and die

i passed the test i was worried sick about yesterday. in other words, i am now over my pms-or angry state of mind in which i was troubled by. i do have those kind of days. and at times im wondering if i have a split personality. but then again i realize that im quite a functional human being, concidering there are tons of people more messed up than i am out there. i am not insane, i guess i just get a bit crazy in over my head sometimes.


we are living in such a spoiled community that whenever something seems out of the ordinary, one immeadiately think the worst and that something must be seriously wrong. hah, but turning to professional care was never my scene. besides, the next day i can be happier than a monkeny,eh, eating bananas (in lack of better comparison). i always work out my own issues out(for instance by writing; its my therapy), or by the help of good friends. thank god i have someone to hear me out. not that im a whiny friend, i wouldnt say... as a matter a fact im actually an excellent listener: "a good friend", someone once said, "listens to your problems before they spill out their own." i hope im that kind of a friend. furthermore, i am very generous when it comes to handing out advices to friends in tough spots(though im hopeless when it comes to myself).

i heard an Amy Winehouse song on the radio today. i usally destest the anorextic and lunatic star, but its undeniable that she can carry her tunes more than okay. ive heard the song in matter before, but apiffany! it basically is about me. title's called "im no good", and the chorus goes like this:

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would,
I told you I was trouble,
You know that I'm no good.



yeah. thats pretty much how im feeling right about now. but im not too worried though. everything works out in the end. if i have one life lesson learnt it is that life goes on. and really, really; if i wanted to be or act any different, i totaly would. i think i just enjoy the drama on some sick level.

in other news; this thuesday was the program of adventures in the Martine in the City show. i pulled my bicycle out of the very creepy cellar we have, and decided i would bike all the way out to the gym where i have my volleyball practices. not the brightest idea ive had this week. it instantly started to pour, as it often do in this seven-mountain-surrounded-city, and i did not know the exact way to get there.


i ended up following my guts, which has appeared to be under most circumstances the wrong thing to do. as i had been biking about half an hour uphill into something that started looking suspiciously like the suburbs, i realized i was not where i was supposed to be. it was raining, i was cold, i was alone, my practice was starting any minute now and i was undoubtfully lost. so i stopped a nice cobiker and asked for the direction. he lead me on the right track and i made practice on time! hurray!

on the way back: i thought id be smart and make a short cut into a park nearby my residence. this park is called "Nygårdsparken". during daytime it is a pleasant place with an idyllic scenery.


but anyone who lives in Bergen or watches the news now and again, knows that it is not a place you prefer to hang out at after the sun has gone down (that is if you're not a drug addict). oh well. i rode firmly up the steep hills and did not look twice at the hobos i passed. nothing scary occured to my paronoid self. but im definitely not doing that again.


note to self -lessons of the day:
- bring a fucking map next time you decide to move out of your comfort zone
- bring an umbrella, cus you never know when the rain will catch you off guard in this town.
- dont visit Nygårdsparken when its dark. you will get raped and die.

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