a new and better version of me

control - not really present at the time
has the world declared a was against my persona
without my consent? bull
i know perfectly well
i can only blame myself for being here
cus you cant expect to receive respect
before you can respect yourself - right?

its never too late for a change
and i think it would do me good
i feel so much older than i can take
but dont intend to use my own hopelessness
as an excuse for the wrong decisions i make

ive been reading some philosophyshit lately
and even though i hate admitting it
some of the stuff has made me take a deep hard look at myself
maybe even made me see things a bit clearer

i define who i am and what projects i chose to have
i am responsible for the problems which may appear along the way
hence i have no right nor reason to complain
my problems are only a reflection of my decisions
and products of how i have chosen to live my life
no one has put me in a corner and made me act a certain way
my own existence is my own responsibility
its time to take charge
yes indeed a change will do me good

about existentialism:
"Man may seem to be 'made' by his past history and present situation, but it is these limitations which actually create our freedom. It is the presence of limitations that oblige us to choose. I cannot avoit taking an attitude to my past. I choose how I see it. So it can be viewed as an obstacle or an opportunity. I can reject my past or remain loyal to it, and by my future action I deny it or confirm it. We are all thus familiar with 'turning over a new leaf' or 'starting again' or 'new resolutions'. The past is, after all, just a present memory which we have chosen to recall, amd we can let go of the past or not. Perhaps this too is the difference between human beings and animals. While their behavior is a matter of habit, we can reflect on the past and are aware of alternatives in the future. So our past does not determine our future."



I am likely to miss the main event
If I stop to cry and complain again
So I will keep a deliberate pace
Let the damn breeze dry my face

Ooooh mister wait until you see
What I'm gonna be

I've got a plan, a demand and it just began
And if you're right, you'll agree

Here's coming a better version of me
"Better Version of Me" by Fiona Apple love.